NEW BLOG ANNOUNCEMENT

Very happy to report here that extended family member Christina Buckner has started her very own blog.  My wife Karen and I absolutely adore Christina and have come to think of her (and her siblings) as our own flesh and blood.  In fact this very blog is dedicated to both her and her brother, Mike. 

Having known Christina almost from the day of her birth, it was a total surprise that in some ways she turned out to be very much like me.  I’m not sure how this happened because there were huge gaps in time when I wasn’t around her, so I don’t see how my goofiness could have rubbed off on her.  However, Karen and I could not possibly be more proud of her if she was our own daughter. 

Christina and I share a love of bad movies and all other things absurd.  I’m delighted to say that I was able to introduce her to films from my own collection which are universally acclaimed as “turkeys”.  You know, films like THEY SAVED HITLER’S BRAIN, ROBOT MONSTER, SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS and THE TERROR OF TINY TOWN (the all-midget Western).  It opened up a whole new world for her and for the past 1.5 years or so I’ve been exposing her to more and more films of this type.  She’s been having a ball with them!

One of her many talents is her ability to identify the source of a problem and then pound it flat with her commentary until it seems much less like a problem anymore.   This is a trait that a lot of politicians have, but Christina is much too ethical to run for political office, so the rest of us get to enjoy her wit sans the restraints of so-called political correctness. 

Her inaugural blog entry is her take of last year’s re-make of the movie, I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE.  Christina shoots from the hip on this one, so be prepared to laugh.  Access her blog here: CHRISTINA BUCKNER'S WORLD

RELUCTANT PORN STARS

You hear stories on the news about this every once in a while.  Some poor schmuck rents a video camera so that he can film himself and the wife as he’s giving her a beef injection.  This, supposedly, is some kind of turn-on because one can look back and critique one’s own performance(s).  I would venture to say that in laying it (pardon the expression) all down on tape affords one the opportunity to run the gamut of trying out all of one’s sexual fantasies as well. 

However, something invariably goes wrong.  Our little Alfred Hitchcock might not think to rescue the tape from the camera in time and returns it, along with the camera.  To make matters worse, within days of that time someone else has gotten a hold of the tape and – viola! – it’s been posted on the internet! 

One of these unintentional amateur porn stars, as I recall, was a Sheriff’s Deputy and his ladylove. 

Now it could be that I have an innate sense of paranoia or maybe it’s just that I have seen too many movies about camera enthusiasts who are voyeurs and run a hotel/motel/apartment building with monitors all over the place.  Whatever the case, Karen and I have NEVER filmed ourselves.   Nor have we ever engaged in any of that “slap and tickle” behavior in a hotel room. 

Well, ok, once, but it was in the summer of 1994. 

So if there’s a sex tape out there of a couple who innocently poured Mr. Bubble into a Jacuzzi (they surely didn’t know that you are not supposed to do that) and if there’s a naked gal cuddled up to a naked guy in a cowboy hat who refers to himself as “Big Bob and his Baloney Pony”, that’s not us. 

For the record,“Big Bob” doesn’t do autographs and neither does his “Baloney Pony”, so don’t ask. 

I’m ready for my close-up, Mr. De Mille…..

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